Over You
by LiliesoftheRain
Summary: Angst NaLu. Lucy reflects on the events that have caused her so much pain, and she doesn't want to listen when people will say it'll get better. It won't, but maybe she can learn to live again. Even so, there really is no getting over him.


Lucy sat on the floor of her bathroom, back against the door with her head in her hands. She could hear the movement of Happy from the other side of the door, and she felt even more terrible she wasn't out there comforting him right now. But she just didn't think she could handle any more company right now. She couldn't deal with any more pitting stares and awkward conversations. So that why she left the guild for the day, Happy following. He's been her only source of happiness these days, he was living up to his name. While Grey and Erza were also being supportive and understanding, because they were hurting just as much, Lucy and Happy were hurting more. There wasn't a way to describe the bond they both shared with _him_. There just was, and now it's gone.

She felt herself shiver and thought back to her walk home, remembering the dark clouds that swirled overhead even though it was only the middle of the day. It was a dreary day matching her mood, and she didn't know the cold she felt was due to the heavy snow blanketing the outside, or the cold she felt in her heart. She should have been used to the latter by now. It was already February, the cold shouldn't be lasting too long now. She hoped.

Normally, the winter season is said to start in January, or when the snow starts to fall. When the last leaves fall off the branches, when the air becomes crisp, and the lakes begin to freeze over. Yet Lucy's winter started much earlier than that. It all started back in September. The day where her life completely changed, and she had no power to stop it, completely out of her control.

Lucy remembered the day like it was yesterday, how could she not when she played it _over and over again_, letting it consume her mind as she lost the ability to think of anything else. They all thought the war was over. They defeated Zeref, _he _defeated Zeref, and she was so relieved to see him standing there, to see his smile again. She was so relieved that he was okay, a little bruised up sure, but he was there. His life wasn't connected to anything but himself anymore. He was his own person, just how it always should've been. He gave her the most precious gift of him being there, of her being able to feel him as she held him. She finally understood what she always wrote about, the feeling of the immense happiness of them being the only two people that mattered at that moment.

The memory stung, just like the tears stinging her eyes as they threatened to fall. Lucy didn't want to make Happy worry even more than he already was, so she allowed herself to stand and get into her shower. She let the water rush around her body, the steam filling the room as the hot water burned her skin, causing it to go a cherry red despite just getting underneath it. Lucy made no effort to move, allowing her body to find some comfort from the numbness the water allowed her to feel. She was exhausted, the pain and sadness seeping deep within her bones finally weighing her down. Lucy felt like she was sinking and no matter how hard she swam it was no use, so she convinced herself the bottom of the sea had a better source of air than the shore above. Her lungs getting tighter but only if just held on like everyone was telling her the pain will fade and she could _finally breathe_. But she couldn't. She couldn't find that _damn air_ and it's causing her lungs to collapse and her mind to shut down and she just wanted to give way to this pressure. To sink further with no struggle because what's the point? _He _was her only source of life and her warmth, and now without him she's _nothing_.

Angry flashes through her body, giving her a shot of adrenaline as she punched the shower wall. Her eyes went red as she let her frustrations out, not caring of the stinging hand she felt. Lucy continued to hit the wall with the side of her fist, and she didn't even know she was screaming and cursing his name until Happy came in and threw himself at her chest, yelling at her to stop. So she did, sobs racking her body and she clutched the equally crying exceed. Holding Happy in her arms brought back another memory of when she saw him again and it felt like the first time.

While Zeref may have been defeated, they quickly found out it wasn't over. Acnologia was still out there, and intent to destroy all humanity. She thought it was the end of the world, not just because of the menacing dragon, because she thought she lost him. He was right there, walking behind Lucy, Happy, and Grey, and when she turned around oh how she wish he was next to her instead of behind. She called out to him, hoping he'd jump out with a giant laugh, and she could yell at him and they could go on their merry way. But alas, things weren't ever meant to go her way. Lucy felt her body shut off as she cried out his name, not understanding how she could have failed him. She thought she rewrote the book perfectly, there was no way he could have just _disappeared_. She was so desperate, mentally begging with any godly beings out there to bring him back, and she wouldn't listen to Grey as he tried to calm her down, she couldn't calm down. But when everything was explained by Erza she felt the relief soothe her body, and while they were not out of deep shit yet, he was alive and that's all that mattered.

When they managed to get the upper hand with the defeat of Acnologia, she felt so connected to him. Lucy trusted him, down to her very core, she knew he _would _make it back and save the day, because _he always did_. No matter how many times he was knocked down, he'd get back up swinging tenfold what he was given. That was just how he was. So when she saw him, barreling towards her and Happy, falling from the sky and screaming his head off, at first all she could do was smile. She knew it, she knew she'd see him again, she knew that he'd win. When he fell on her, the pain in her back from the impact felt like nothing, and she didn't cry because of it. Shy let joyous tears flutter down her face because he was there, smiling and laughing. Letting her he was home. Boy was he right, he was her home. And she knew she was his in return. She felt complete, because he always made her feel safe and cared for, no matter the circumstances, he always made her feel like she mattered.

There were celebrations and recovery the rest of the night that followed, and after a few weeks, when things were able to get back to normal, that's when it happened.

Shaking her thoughts away, she apologized to Happy, and told him she was fine and that she's finish up and be out soon. Happy looked reluctant but let her be, and that gave Lucy time to look down at her hand. Her knuckles were starting to bruise already, and her hand was not only starting to swell but also a bright red, not just from the water. There was a small dent in her wall but she didn't care, she didn't even realize her punch packed that much power. She knew she was weak but he gave her strength. Even if he wasn't there, she always felt safe knowing that he could be. Even now, while she would never see him again, she felt safe. Like he was watching over her. That thought allowed a sense of peace to worm its way in, and she left out a soft smile. She got out of her shower and dried off, she put on her pajamas and stopped, staring at the last article of clothing she was going to put on. His scarf. It was so smooth, and made her feel so much better when she had it on. She put it on tightly around her, sniffing the fabric lightly, mildly upset that the scent was fading with the time that dragged on, but she needed it, so she breathed in whatever was left. She could hear his voice when he gave it to her, she could still see his body fading, and that would haunt her for the rest of her days.

It was a normal day in the newly rebuilt guild hall, lots of celebrating still hung in the air, causing the laughter to be extra loud than it usually was. Lucy herself indulged in the festivities, not drinking however, she really didn't want to be black out drunk that night. She felt content, but at the same time she felt this nagging feeling residing deep within her. She wanted to ignore it because, what's wrong with today? Everyone was smiling, and that's all she wanted for her family. Yet as the day moved on, she felt the feeling rise higher and higher till she was bouncing her leg and tapping her fingers on one of the tables. She looked for him, her source of comfort, and when they locked eyes her worries melted away. He gave her a large smile and told everyone he was around a goodnight, walking straight towards Lucy with Happy in tow, pulling her to her feet.

"_Let's go home." _

It should've felt weird for him to say it like that, she should've had the right mind to give him a good smack to the head for wanting to come over and take over her apartment, but all she did was smile and agree. So they did, taking the same path, laughing and joking about who knows what, and that feeling of anxiety earlier forgotten. That's until they reached right outside her door. It spiked again so suddenly and she was unsure of why. She was reluctant at first to share her concerns with him but finally did. He snickered at her and said she was like an old lady when their false knees hurt when the weather began to change. She huffed at him and looked away, muttering a never mind, because why would he take it seriously? She was wrong, because he gently guided her face to look at her. Lucy's face flushed and she felt oddly warm as she saw him gently place his scarf around her neck. He held her close, and she hugged him back, breathing in the warmth he radiated, pulling away for a moment to glance up at him. That's when she saw it.

It looked like thousands of tiny white stars were dancing around them, lighting up and fluttering away towards the sky. At first she was in awe, her mouth open and she couldn't believe her eyes. She thought they were so beautiful, till she saw where they were really coming from. Her starstruck look turned to one of horror as he looked at his hands, the tips fading and becoming these tiny specks of light. They made eye contact and Lucy felt all the air rush out from her lungs, his name on the tip of her lips. His hair, once a bright pink fading away. She clung to him, crying hysterically and she screamed and pleaded with him to stay with her. He couldn't leave. She saw tears in his own eyes as he desperately grabbed right back at her. She saw the desperation in his eyes as he shouted her name, and as she shouted his right back. They say time slows down when you're seeing something go wrong in front of you. Like you're body is stuck in molasses and everything is even slower than you are. But this felt way too fast, he was disappearing right before her very eyes and there was nothing she could do about it. She remembered the ringing in her ears as his last words pierced the air and the light was gone. He was gone.

She screamed into the night, running with fervor back to the guild hall with Happy hot on her tail. She barreled straight into the door, causing everyone to stop as her frantic cries filled the air instead. Levy and Erza tried to calm her down but Lucy couldn't be calm, he vanished. The faces of her family burned into her soul as she broke the news a panic, she was trying to find answers in the library, through levy, by any means. After searching for what felt like minutes, which in reality was days, she knew the people around her wanted to stop and finally give it a rest. But Lucy couldn't stop, what kind of person would she be to just stop now when her best friend, her family, the _love of her life_ left without a trace in front of her very eyes. She could be selfish enough to stop now. So while others dejectedly started to give up, she and Happy, along with Erza, Grey, even Wendy, stayed and tried to find out anything they could.

Although, when the other members of her team started to grow weary of their findings, or lack thereof, she held on. She continued for a whole month, trying to find any way to reverse the spell, the blasted _curse_. Nothing worked, all she could find were dead ends. The guild was a mess, herself included. Everyone was in pain at the loss of their precious friend, and so the master decided to hold a funeral. Lucy couldn't take it, couldn't accept one. He wasn't dead, she was going to find a way. So she stayed away as they created a memorial in his honor, she hadn't visited it at all.

It's been months now, Lucy thought as she opened her bathroom door, finding Happy curled onto her bed. She turned off the lights and laid down next to him, pulling him closing towards her chest, and Happy holding onto his scarf tightly in his paws. They made a promise to each other earlier that day that tomorrow they would, together, would go visit the memorial. Lucy was nervous of course, because it will really sink in once she sees his name engraved in stone. She kissed Happy's head, allowing her body to sink into the covers and her eyes to close. His last words once again echoing around her.

"_Lucy there's something I want to tell you." His voice was panicked and he held onto her arms gripping them tightly. "We're going to be together forever from now on, I promise, I love you guys." He brought Happy and Lucy into a bone crushing hug, all three mages had tears spilling from their eyes, but he pulls away and touched Lucy's face, smiling a soft smile._

"_I love you Lucy." _

"I love you too Natsu." Lucy spook softly into the night as sleep quickly took over.


End file.
